


Rat Trap

by audreycritter



Series: Cor Et Cerebrum [12]
Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Gen, alfred is very lazy, but tim might be worse, dick is not the best petsitter, haphazard plans, no profreading we die like mne
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-04
Updated: 2017-04-04
Packaged: 2018-10-14 17:47:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10541442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/audreycritter/pseuds/audreycritter
Summary: Dick's petsitting goes awry and his plan to fix it goes even more awry than that.They can probably keep it from Jason and Damian.Probably.





	

Dick Grayson is a desperate man.

He’s a desperate man in his own apartment with doors and windows all shut and his brother’s rat cage in the corner of the living room.

The problem is that the rat cage is empty.

But Dick Grayson is also a man quick on his feet, used to formulating plans in mere seconds when the stakes are life or death. He’s not taken two steps toward his phone before he knows what he will do.

“Tim, I need your help,” he says when the younger man answers. “Meet me at the Manor. No, it has to be right now. I’ll make it up to you.”

Dick slips out of the apartment quickly, only opening the door enough for him to fit through. He drives to the Manor trying not to think about what Jason will say or do if anything happens to Algernon.

An hour later, he’s driving back to his apartment with Tim in the passenger seat holding an animal carrier with Alfred inside. Dick is grateful that if Jason is out of town, at least Damian is there with him.

“No one can ever know about this,” he says to Tim as he drives and the teen scowls at the animal carrier. Inside, Alfred the Cat hisses.

“What I don’t understand,” Tim says in reply, “is why Dev asked you. I mean, I get Jason asking Dev, but Dev could have asked me and he didn’t say anything.”

“Maybe because you hate Algie,” Dick says lightly. “Maybe because there’s a video of you ranting about it for ten minutes. And Dev likes the rat.”

“That was the drugs talking,” Tim mutters stiffly. “And I don’t like him but I would have taken care of him. You’ve had him for two days and already lost him.”

Dick grumbles a little at that but shrugs and parks the car. Alfred the cat switches tactics and leaves off hissing to meow piteously.

“He thinks we’re at the vet,” Tim ventures as a guess. “He scratched Alfred last month when they went. I haven’t seen him that mad in years.”

“Alfred or Alfred?” Dick asks. Tim gives him an exasperated look. “Cat or Man?” Dick amends.

“Who do you think?” Tim says as an answer and he climbs out of the car.

They go up the stairs together to Dick’s apartment and shimmy through the narrow opening, one after another, and then Tim stands in the hall still holding the carrier.

“So, want me to just, like, walk around and wait for the noise to get louder? Like a metal detector, I guess, but with a cat?” Tim asks and Dick shakes his head and takes the carrier.

He sets it on the floor and puts a hand on the latch.

“I’m gonna let him out and when he stops freaking out, we just follow him.”

“For the record,” Tim says, his face twisted into a frown, “I think that is a terrible idea.”

“Noted. But we’re both fast and Alfred is lazy.”

“Man or cat?” Tim asks dryly, unamused and now nervously tapping his foot. “Listen, if this ends with a dead rat, I wasn’t even here.”

“Deal,” Dick agrees. “But Algie won’t die. It’s gonna work. Just watch and get ready to move.”

The cat carrier swings open and Alfred shoots out like a bullet and makes a blurred beeline for Dick’s bedroom. Both boys follow, Tim stumbling over the cat carrier, only to find Alfred hiding and hissing far back beneath Dick’s bed.

“Good job, Dick,” Tim says, patting Dick on the back. Dick is already pulling boxes and bags from beneath the bed, quickly clearing the space. Alfred retreats deeper and hisses again.

“Well,” Dick says, ducking his head against the floor to peer into the darkness. “I’m pretty sure if Algie’s under there, he’s gonna come out pretty soon.”

Tim sighs and sits down cross legged by Dick.

“I guess we just wait.”

Two hours later, the cat has not moved. Tim closes the Netflix app on his phone after four episodes of a comedy show and he grins at Dick. They’re both numb from just sitting on carpet for so long.

“Well, it was worth it to hang out with you at least. But I’m starving.”

“I guess if we still pay attention,” Dick says slowly, eyeing the bed. “This isn’t working as well as I’d hoped.”

They go to the kitchen and ten minutes later, Alfred saunters out and hops onto the back of the couch and lays there, tail twitching.

“Dick,” Tim says, frozen in the kitchen doorway. Dick is at his side in an instant. The couch and the cat are between them and the spot of carpet where Algernon is calmly sitting, cleaning his own ears with tiny paws.

Alfred yawns and looks at the rat, then back at Dick and Tim, and then falls asleep.

Tim and Dick both exhale, slowly, and Dick creeps around the couch and when he’s only a foot away Algernon starts moving. Dick reaches for him once but Algernon steps across the carpet in a quick, little trot and climbs into his cage.

Dick leaps and shuts the door and then stands and cheers, both arms in the air.

“Rat alive and contained!”

Tim is laughing again, so hard he’s got tears in his eyes and the bowl of chips in his hand is tipping precariously.

“You lazy bastard,” Dick accuses the cat, who twitches his nose but doesn’t wake.

“It figures Damian would have literally the worst cat in the world,” Tim says, munching a chip. “I sort of actually hate that we’re never going to be able to hold this over his head.”

“You can’t tell anyone,” Dick says, repeating his warning from earlier, aghast. “Tim. You have to promise. I’m a dead man if you breathe a word. Dev and Jason?”

“Discowing,” Tim says, holding a chip up to examine it. “That’s the price for my silence. One week.”

“Tim,” Dick pleads. “Tim.”

“Okay, three days. And you have to patrol, you can’t skip it.”

Dick sighs and puts both hands over his face.

“Fine. Fine, three days. But if I find out you’ve told anyone, I’m making you wear it for twice as long.”

“I thought you said you weren’t ashamed of it,” Tim says with a lopsided smirk.

“A time and place for everything, Timbo. I’m not ashamed of when it was right, but now is not that time.”

“I’ll get Alfred,” Tim says, sounding gleeful. “Let’s get him back before someone realizes he’s missing.”

Dick double-checks the latch on the rat cage and then steals a chip from Tim’s bowl.

“Next time, the rat can stay with you.”

“Hell, no,” Tim exclaims. “No. I hate that thing. I just wanted to be asked, that’s all. No, you keep him.”

Dick should not be satisfied by how much Tim, for all his complaints, cuddles the limp, purring cat before putting him in the cat carrier, but he is a little bit. He eats chips while he watches and then Tim slams the metal door shut and examines his hands. Dick takes a moment to bend over the rat cage and talk to Algernon, who regards him seriously while nibbling on food.

“Okay, let’s go.”

“What’d I tell you?” Dick asked, picking the carrier up. “My plan worked after all.”


End file.
